Another hour sounds really longgggf I feel a little bit sad to leave. I mean I'm falling asleep

At the time my mother knew, more than I did, that she was not going to be able to share many more moments with me as she passed away from breast cancer when I was 13 years old. It was the first time, standing with other jewish women with bowed and covered heads, that we looked at each other and cried. Held each other and knew that there was not much more time that we could have to share. That the notes for health that were going into the wall were not going to work. That God no matter how powerful was not going to be able to save her or me from what was going to happen next. It was that moment that I felt that I could finally see what was coming. The year of falling, sinking into the sickness, and then eventually never waking up. In that moment at the wall together it was ok, it was gods plan, it was a holy sentence.

Text stacy about waxing and eyebrows
Text Stephanie about facial
Text rosie about retainer
Text taxis about haircut for end of January
Type brown essays
Get ears pierced

120 W 28th St, New York, NY, USA

Clean room
Food shop
Cook
Find something to do on Sunday
Go through clubs that you want to join

Took a nice moment to think about mom and temple and what it used to be like to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. I’m sad but happy. Love you and thinking about you. I remember the days of Harry Potter behind my seder, and mom wearing pearls and smelling vaguely like hairspray and her perfume. And I remember her outfits and the shoes that she would match perfectly. The fact that we would usually sit with grandma Roberta and my Jacob. That she would always have tissues in her purse and we would sometimes sneak a mint when we were starving as we headed into hour three of services. That you would sleep and only sometimes wake up for the sermon. Love you.

Adventure madeline is on the loose. She is not taking no for an answer as she finds friends in cool places and people that sell weed. It is a strange world. One with crazy drunk people and David Cross just passes you on the street.

Madeline was on a mission. Be happy again. It was a difficult one. One with many memories lost and new Ones found. She has a sidekit. Rosario is my best friend and pet rabbit. But she doesn’t poop as much. She is also slow to respond. Annoying.

Anyway adventure madeline was in Prague talking to a loser about philosophy she turned around and went out to look with the popular kids.

There wasn’t any pot to be found. Until they asked a nice girl at a new bar and she showed them the way.

Then they got High And all was well. The end.

Ask dad if we have a list of the people that came to moms funeral and see what he thinks about sending them a note to send me a story

Adventure log: Amsterdam

It was a lovely day That started at ney nearly 7:16 ndjdjbsmkfnnfjdjxnndjdjjdbsbska

I'm sorry I am high lol as ballz

There once was a young girl named madeline Who loves pararegiamorjiano cheese and

Going to a chorus line and mom holding up the tank top and telling me I'd grow into the smallest size

Heeliyinf back and forth through her office hallway while she talked on the phone Looking at her globe Her typing with Nails and how fast of a typist she was I remember she really was special Period It's the hardest part that she would have been the best grandma because grandma Berta and my kids won't Why is that How about I remember when seriously being in bathrooms together in Disney The smell when I go back reminds me of her Wow ok I guess so does being there her Minnie Mouse jacket That I donated. No it's been five years. But I'm not ok for ten. What else? I remember Eddie and Seth wrestling at my pirate party In the playroom and I thought Seth was going to die That was before Eddie became reliably an Eddie I am very tired and I want to go to sleep. I think if i go to sleep right now then I would never get to take off my makeup

Wait mom memories

Mom picking me up at bak and being in her full work outfit in the waiting area and her smiling from her phone when I got there I was her favorite person to see, everyone else was not as special. I don't have that with anyone else in that way anymore

Grapefruit juice
Cranberry juice
Vodka
Sugar
Limes
Almond milk
Dairy free ice cream
Dairy free cheese

ADDRESS
Madeline Greenberg
Brown University
69 Brown St. Box 5551
Providence, RI 02912

How do you not break people when they find out?

Almond milk
Vegan cheese
Soy sauce
Orange juice
Life itself
The last victim

Most buddhist book of the Hebrew bible 5 reasons that it doesn’t work, is this similar or different from what you have heard happiness described as in your life? Not too many bounds that they are not allowed in Tension between striving for more and contentment for what is Layman terms - position in a life story and then move from there When happiness is conidtional, are you postponing your joy Do you ignore your happy self future prospects Between life experience and theory

Even more important: never underestimate a volcano -- for humans cannot tame them and one of these large scale eruptions could happen any day, at any time.

With the looming threat of eruption, the volcano stands against the horizon as a grim warning of what is to come. There is no way to predict when the threat will strike, only a way to study its movements and hope for a warning.

Vulnerability

77, hold
Doors locked
Alarm on
Snackies
First hour costco
Arboretum
Pillow case transfer paper coloring book and fabric pens
137

Primer tinted eyes concealer blush bronzer

Primer with hands
Squishy for moisturizer pea size
Exfoliate three times a week
Base eyes - one color all over, shape crease one color up
Edge of eye again darker
Edge of eye bottom darkest
Sparkle from inner eye to middle color
Crease in again to blur
Sweep away bottom with setting powder
Brown on underneath top eye line
Edge of eye
Inner eye corner


Concealer eyes dots, down and out
Spots
Bronzer cheekbone top of face, nose hat, bottom of face
Start where most intense
Blush two fingers away top of apples of cheeks

-----Original Message-----
From: Marsha Miller MD
Sent: 11/15/2019 10:57 AM
To: Madeline Greenberg
Subject: RE: reached out to Jayden


Hi Madeline---
Good questions---would take it about the same time everyday---the levels are more consistent. Would avoid excessive alcohol while on this medicine--one glass of wine or one beer once or twice a week should be fine. Was thinking about medications Madeline---the Citalopram is a good choice though it has some interactions with some antibiotics ----was thinking Prozac--Fluoxetine might be good choice as it doesn't have those issues and you won't feel bad if you miss a dose once in awhile. If agreeable to you--would like to prescribe Fluoxetine 20mg--have you take 1/2 tablet (10 mg) in the morning starting tomorrow for the next 5 days--if you are feeling well--then you can go up to the whole tablet after that. The side effects some can notice are mild headache or nausea. Those usually will dissapate as your body get

Goal setting

Expectation, be respectful v goal measurable, check off
Personal
Perform my show in December
Run the 10K in disney
Apply to summer internships
Positional
Grow by 15 COB in spring
Go over the different days of recruitment and what events exist throughout the year
Pick members for my recruitment committee
E-board goals
Positive language around recruitment
Clarify use as a resource - first chapter what each position is, why you ran, positional goals
Attend every meeting

Folder, doc, committee, what you expect from each person Write what your committee does - task and expectations

Ask for help from members on committee One on one, tell Sarah, call into CRSB, need to have people that work

Go through calendar events

Notes - 11/17
too casual physically
Not always tense, really happening
Time to execute physical actions: moment of recognition
More specific handshake
Various modes of listening - all the time
Objects matter
Don’t slur words, articulate
Stakes within given circumstances. Dancing.
Moving - be aware of the people around you

Sadness is a white bird

Cliff and Diana,
I hope that coming off of the holiday rush has gone well! I just wanted to send a note that I ended up getting some new earrings that I’m super excited about! They are a slightly more mature step in terms of that jewelry that I usually wear. Sending love your way!!

Madeline

Starship troopers

About time

Amelia

Virginia Thomas

Ralph Rodriguez

Hilton

X-list

Cab - history - more or less

American puppet modernism

I don’t know how I feel. I like that they mentioned that you can choose your body. I like that there was a finality To it. That when you know you know. I like that there was love but that that wasn’t enough to really be forever. Because as much as having forever could be wonderful it’s not going to be able to be enough for an eternity. I would do what tahani did and I would learn how to do everything. I would do everything. I want to skydive. I want to run a marathon. I want to fall in love. I want to act. I want to read more books. I want to talk to people that make me feel smarter. I want to learn as much as I can. I want to have time to write my play. I want to find people that make me happier. I want to live near Seth. I want to I don’t know. But this is a start. I want a lot of things. That should be good than not wanting anything. I was told not to let my feelings out. To just talk about the things that make me happy and not the things that were too hard. I don’t know. There’s a lot here. But I finally have wants. For the first time. In a long time. I’m glad I wrote some of this down. I need to go to bed. Goodnight. 💕

I love you but I dont want you. What does that mean. There is a sense of respect. There is a sense that there are so few people in the world that matter. That continue to matter even as I start to realize that the person that I thought mattered actually doesn’t. Being smart is not the same as being motivated. So what about someone that is smart and motivated? I love them. I want them to love me. Not to want me. I want to be close to them. For them to be proud of me, I want to prove that I deserve their pride. I want them to see me and introduce me as their own, to share things with me, to know that I will get their jokes. That is so inherently different from wanting someone.

I do want someone. I want her and I want to be with her. Thinking about being with her does make me sad, because it is not going to happen again, but that doesn’t make me not want her. She makes me feel this longing. Touching her made me want to touch her more. I wanted her to find me beautiful, to not be able to stop being with me. To not want to leave. And she didn’t. She told me that I was beautiful, that I deserved to be lauded for the work that I had done. That she was proud, that the people around me were proud. And in the dark. During the movie, I wanted to make her blush. I wanted to hold her hand. I wanted to do more than hold her hand. That is wanting. That is desire for someone. physically. lustingly, wanting. When I think about her I feel like I could reach out and she would be there again and there would be nothing better in the world.

It is not that. It is disgust if they were there. Not at them. At myself. At the touching, at the closeness, the physical becomes corrupted. There is a sense of disappointment. Of general distrust, loss. So no. I do not want them, but I want what they have. I want someone smart enough to write a book. I want to have two children to homeschool, to work through potty training. I want to be so proud of the work that my partner did that I use her as a reference often and proudly. I want us both to teach at the same school, read the same books, tell each other what we did during the day that fascinated us. That made us feel alive. I didn’t find that yet. But I found part. For the first time, I found the part that makes sense even before I have to think about it.

I’m feeling very alone all of a sudden.

A sci fi world.

And I was their god. But my name was Natalie. But they had museums about me. The world was disney themed because I liked it so much.

There was a cute boy. But they found me out because my money said United States. He saw my id. He didn’t believe that it was me. He didn’t know what to do.

The Mickey Mouse ride was like the haunted mansion.

The museum was like moma.

The data body

What exists only in the virtual world? No - look to science fiction. Die in the matrix then die in real life.

Star Trek episode I thought she was only in my mind

Ghost in the machine. What is the soul, the self if you can open up the brain?

The neural net is of human of machine. It performs functions that we can point to as human but in contents that are inhuman by nature. Made by us for us. Iterations of the original tools that propose alternative spaces.

We imagine the not yet here in two ways - the utopic and the dystopic.

Think Jose Munoz for utopia. The means of emergent strategy. Constantly looking to a queered future of possibility enables the conceptions of the data body to aggregate in a mindset of positivity. As in - algorithms are programmed by humans. Humans can plan for the pain and demise of others for best uses of power. Or there can be an active attempt to imagine a queer futurity. Where the creation of the future is not yet here always.

But we fall to dystopia because that is what is known. That is the present. We are carefully situated in matrixes that allow us to break from dystopic practices if we so desire, but we are cycling through a society that builds bodies for their personal gain rather than in order to support inspire owe others.

Cylons, terminator, ghost in the machine, neon genesis evangelion —

These are examples of the data body and the human body in conversation. They combine the utopia and dystopic. The merging of the human with circuitry creates the possible, the cyborg. The infinite reinterpretation of the body as natural and singular through the addition of what we have made.

It is the glitches, the ghosts, the angels that remind us, however, that there is a present. And while we should be actively attempting to create a utopia future, we can’t forget that it must be queered.

So these failures, the malfunctions, the appearing loss of control, though it is the manifestation of fears regarding the new and not yet understood, perhaps it also represents the possible reminder of humanness at its core.

Why we are reminded over and over that San Junipero terminator is human. She is base us. She is base we.